Wrestling Rest

Rolling over, kicking covers off, pulling them back on, rolling again. 
Wrestling. 

I’ve never been to a wrestling match. 
But many nights it feels like I’m being pinned or pinning myself. 
Tossing back and forth. 
Still never quite feeling the victory of the win. 

Then my mind goes back to another struggle. 
Little arms and legs pushing against me. 
Me battling not to lose my grip.
My physical grip. My emotional grip. 
The blanket wads. 
The arms and legs come loose. 
The match begins.

I know she needs the rest. It’s late. She’s tired. Long day. 
Why is she fighting this so much? 
I can tell how exhausted she is. 
Why won’t she just give up the brawl? 
Then my determination sets in.
I will help her win this feud.

The Bible tells a story of another wrestling match. 
Between Jacob and God in Genesis 32:24-31.
Jacob wrestles with God and won’t let go until God blesses him. 
It’s an all night match.

At night, another feud is fought between my mind and my heart. 
My mind speaking lies and my heart whispering the truth. 
Back and forth they shoot. 
As I voice my worries, heart ache, and need for peace to the One who is always there. 

Jacob showed persistence in His match.
The match leaves Jacob with a limp.
Not giving up until he received his blessing.
God showed He is not afraid or unable to wrestle with us. 
He wants us to know Him intimately. He wants us to keep wanting His best.
His blessing for us. 

As I wrestle rest, I realize I am really struggling with God.
With what I thought my life was going to be and what it really is.
Much like Jacob, I am wrestling letting go of my pride to grab ahold of God’s promises.
His promise of a good plan for me. Even when I can not see the plan.

What are you wrestling with? 

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, please continue to help me when I wrestle. Help me know when to persist and when to release my hold. Help me know that in my release it is not in defeat but in grabbing hold of the good in life you have for me. Help me see that in the wrestle I am getting to know you more intimately and building a deeper relationship with you. Open me to help others acknowledge their wrestle. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.